Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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