u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What a dumb baby whore.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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