weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
