do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
