I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
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Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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