I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
