Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
