Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
