Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
