I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
