Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
