"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
