Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
