So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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