they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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