I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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