You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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