So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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