Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
