this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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