She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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