Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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