New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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