What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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