Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
