Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
