We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
