I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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