I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
