It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
