My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
