the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
