We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
