My nipple is on Facebook.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
