New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
