So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
