remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
