Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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