I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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