Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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