i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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