Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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