You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
