you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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