Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
