i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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