Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
