i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
