i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
