sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
