Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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