if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
