WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize