I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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