I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
