this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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