i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
