So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
