You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
