don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
