Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
